Embrace

The month of January 2016 our family was sick. We spent nearly everyday in our apartment. The month felt long and I have to admit that I was welcoming February with open arms. Then I took the kids to the doctor again. This time there were ear infections to go around and a sinus infection thrown in for fun. I felt defeated and as I drove to the pharmacy I repeated two verses over and over and over.

"I have told you these things, so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Driving home, I felt ready to face another ten days of antibiotics, Daniel Tiger, and general quiet. Because the thing about being forced to live a quiet existence for an entire month is that it gives you a lot of time for reflection.

I spent January reflecting on 2015, as many people do, and the things I learned about myself. I prayed, pondered, and imagined about 2016. What exactly will happen this year? What will Jesus teach me - about Himself, about my kids, about my marriage, about myself? And how will I handle these things?

I have heard of people choosing a verse or a word or a theme for a year. Something they feel the Lord is calling them to. I have never thought about doing this. I didn't even consider doing it for 2016, because well, the calendar rolled from 2015 to 2016 with snotty noses and ear infections and a mom functioning in survival mode. But all of a sudden in the middle of January I couldn't get a word out of my head.

It all started with an idea for a blog post titled: "The Things I Learned About Myself in 2015". Here are the highlights:
 * I learned that I am not a good plant parent. In 2015, I killed four house plants. Okay, between September and December, I killed four house plants which makes this even more impressive. One plant is still alive, though barely, and it suffers from over-watering quite often. (Update: this plant is now dead.)
* I learned that I love to cook.
* My favorite craft hobby is sewing. Though I like the idea of knitting and crochet, there is something about a beautiful fabric and hum of my sewing machine that both relaxes and energizes me.
* In 2015, I challenged myself to read books again and loved every minute of it. (In large part due to the Modern Mrs. Darcy Book Challenge.)

As I tossed these thoughts around in my head, I realized something: I didn't learn these things about myself in 2015, I embraced them. It was strange for me to admit how much I love to cook because in many ways it is just a task I have to do each day. But spending an hour or hours in the kitchen chopping, dicing, simmering, and sauteing is enjoyable to me. This might make total sense to some of you and seem crazy to others.

In 2015, I learned that blogging is hard work and people who write everyday are impressive. I learned that blogging scares me. I also learned that I really love to write.

So here I am, learning to embrace blogging, good books, half-finished knitting projects (that may never be finished), my wall calendar, and all of the other crazy, wonderful things 2016 promises to throw our way.

The Delight of Living

Nearly a year ago now, I started reading a book titled The Lost Art of Dress: The Women Who Once Made America Stylish by Linda Przybyszewski. The book discusses the history of, not only fashion, in the United States but also the history and decline of home economics, the rise of ready-to-wear clothing and department stores, and the relationship between art and dress. The book was fascinating, at least to me. But there was one page, one paragraph, and really one phrase that stuck with me for over a year, though I couldn't put my finger on why.

"Too much interest in fashion and too much shopping also bothered Ellen S. Richards, the mother of modern home economics. Richards shook her head at the "large crowds of women seen daily on the shopping streets" at the turn of the century. She would prefer that they find "the delight of living" in their homes, not in rifling the bargain counters at the department stores." (page 136)

I took a picture of the paragraph on my phone and continued to turn over the phrase "the delight of living" in my mind for, well, nearly a year. There was something simple and charming about those words. As I scrolled through my Instagram feed the other day, I saw a photo selling shirts and mugs. They read "yoga pants, messy bun, target. #momlife". I chuckled to myself, thinking "How true". And there it was, the connection, the lightbulb moment. Moms, people, defining their lives by the frequency with which they wander those wide, shiny aisles lined with beautiful things.

In that moment, I felt a pain of guilt and shame. I would be ashamed to count the number of times I have put my kids in the car with the end goal of a Target shopping cart, popcorn for Emmylou, and a large cup of coffee for myself. You know, a well-deserved treat. In that same moment, I thought not only of Ellen S. Richards and her hauntingly accurate prediction of the dangers of consumerism, I thought of another phrase containing the word delight.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

And then came another wave of guilt, a good guilt, a guilt that sent me running to scripture. My thoughts and prayers were raw, honest, and desperate. What was I teaching our children? Was I really teaching our daughter that Target, popcorn, and coffee could solve a bad day? That an item marked with a red and white striped sticker could make us happy? Was I somehow, unintentionally and unknowingly, teaching our daughter to delight in Target instead of Jesus?

The words of Ellen S. Richards cause my mind to flood with images and memories of our home, of the life that happens here. Dance parties, board games, pots of chili large enough to feed the 12 people crammed in our small kitchen, bedtime prayers whispered for loved ones, mealtime prayers of thankfulness, middle of the day prayers asking for strength, energy, wisdom. This, this is the delight of living in our home, the delight of living in community, the delight of Jesus, this is what I want to teach our children.